Back from a four day vacation at home. Feeling a little lethargic. Had talks about our existence with a friend which shook me a little. Read a little from vivekanandas writings. Rest of the time it was talking to mama and grandma and lying down with pulp magazines. Its was fun.

For the last two weeks i have been trying to build a wall between me and the world. I tried to look away from every thing around. To run away from things that could catch my fancy. To be unromantic. To be an egotist. It was going good but wall is broken today. And all it took was a beautiful woman and fate or the rush in the bus putting me close to her.

Took a small journey to my uncle's home. Felt the warm bondage of love and relation. Actually i was missing it. Had a chance to act a small role. A single frame which i thought i did good. But i failed because i got carried away and played beyond my character. Did some minor damage to my friends. But i dont think i will regret it. I went with the flow. I dont think i will ever be able to play such characters.

I am being pulled back to routines. I do feel it but i am tired to fight. Yesterday afternoon while having lunch with my colleagues i just blurted out that order is boring. I talked about the monotone feeling of things in order. After saying all that i thought deeper. I tried to figure out whether i live my life in order. And damn i do. I talk something and i do something else. I thought of breaking them. But i dont think i can do it. I cant argue with myself for disorder. or should i.
And on more thought i think order is middle class. And then i should be middle class.

Yester day i took two cds but ended up watching life is beautiful on tv. Movies like those inspires us to be cheerful. The hero is stuck in a concentration camp with his child and wife but keeps a totally happy face and a lot of us who are relatively unchained andd well off are finding it hard to keep up a smile.